The Silver Lining

So we found out Thursday that hubby will be laid off from AT&T come January. We had kindof been worried about that, but didn't think it would happen until Aug '09 when their contract was up. We were wrong. My reaction was to simply not worry about it. I was brave and strong on the phone with him. Didn't show my fear at all. When I hung the phone up, I burst into tears. Not really because I was "worried", but just the thought of what if's. What if we have to sell our house? What if we have to sell our vehicles? And besides that, he was so disappointed. This is the 1st job that he didn't dread going to everyday. He loves this job. I was soooo proud of him when he got it, and I'm sure he was proud of himself as well. It was his "dream" job. We thought that after all the job hopping he had finally got in w/ a good company that he would be able to retire from. And now he's lost it. I wasn't really worried about it because there was nothing we could do to change it and I knew that God would take care of us. He will make sure we have the things we need like food, shelter, clothing, etc. I have faith that he will send something even better. I knew that things would be very tight for awhile until he finds something else, but I was confident we would be ok. I came home that night and hubby was just moping. He was driving me crazy. For one because I thought he should be glued to the computer trying to find a job, but instead he was sitting on the couch watching tv as usual. For two because he had zero paitence w/ bama and was getting onto him about the smallest things. Things that would normally not even phase him. I tried to be understanding and told myself not to say a word to him about it. He's probably depressed and feeling like a failure (that's just how he is) and wondering how he was going to provide for his family. So once I got bama in bed, I got on the computer and started searching myself. I was pretty disappointed to see that nearly everything available would be a HUGE paycut. I got a bit discouraged. I then added up all of our bills and found that on just my salary and the freaking $255/week he would draw from unemployment would still give us $100 extra dollars a month. That's w/ disconnecting our cable. Everything else is a must have because of me working from home 2 days a week, I have to have phone and internet. I have no idea how we'll be able to make it on that because we live paycheck to paycheck now. Of course we spend WAY more than we need to though.

So last night hubby was again moping like crazy and getting on my last nerve. I told him to go out and hang w/ his friends hoping it would cheer him up. Didn't seem to do much good last night, but today after hunting all morning and then watching the ballgame w/ friends, he came home in an excellent mood. Tonight I decided that since I was so stressed out and the computer was being SUPER slow that I would go take a bubble bath. I poured in some bubble bath and some fragrance salt things and ran a tub full of extra hot water. I lit some candles and turned off the lights and stepped in. OMG...i totally forgot how good this felt. I haven't took a bubble bath in FOREVER....like years! I lay there for a freaking hour!!! When I got out of the tub it was like I had stepped into a whole new world! For the 1st time since Thursday at lunch when I got the call I had actually forgot that in less than 1 month we would have no money. I felt sooooo amazing!

Shortly after that I realized something. I had been mourning our current life which won't be the same in a month. I was dreading not being able to eat out 3 times a week. I was dreading not being able to go shopping. I was dreading not being able to build our new house we were gonna start building in '09. I was dreading being broke. But tonight I realized that this could actually be a good thing. Instead of going out every other weekend when mama has bama and shopping or eating or hanging w/ friends, we will more than likely be sitting right here at the house. We won't need to spend the gas money to drive to Florence and we won't have any money to do anything with once we get there anyway. Do you have any idea when the last time that me and hubby sat here at this house alone??? I do...it was July 10, 2006...the night before I was admitted into the hospital to have bama. Now we have been here alone for like an hour a few times w/out bama. Just long enough to get ready to go somewhere, but we haven't spend a night at home w/out bama since he's been born. We always go out. How freaking nice is that going to be!!!! We could have a candlelit dinner and watch a movie. Or throw a blanket down in the floor and light the fireplace that hasn't been lit in years and um...nevermind. Point is that would be so nice! To just be here alone like we use to be. This could be a chance for us to really "connect" again...which is something I feel like we've been missing for a while. We are in such a "routine" or something. We work, come home, play w/ bama, eat supper, get bama a shower, get bama in bed, then hubby goes to bed and I stay up and work or clean or something. We don't even go to bed together anymore. Same thing everyday. It's almost like we are roomates sometimes. I mean, our marriage is great and we have a healthy sex life and all, but as far as really "connecting"...it doesn't happen anymore. It's like we are too wrapped up in the day to day routine to really take time to connect w/ each other. This will only make our marriage that much stronger.

Besides that, I should just be happy that we will have enough money just to make it! It could be a lot worse. We could be short $500 a month instead of over $100. We needed to cut back our spending anyway since we were "trying" to save for our house. And that's another good thing. What if we had just built our house and then he got laid off. We would be in BIG trouble then. Lots of people have it way worse off than we are gonna have it. I still feel like the most blessed person ever with my loving husband and beautiful son and wonderful family and friends. That's what's important! I'm reminded of this song I know. I don't know the name of it or who sings it or anything, but I remember it from when i was little. Maybe someone sang it in church or maybe I heard it on the radio, but it was always one of my favorite gospel songs. It goes like this:

"God will make this trial a blessing though it sends me to my knees. Though my tears flow like a river yet in him there's sweet relief. There's no need to get discouraged, there's no need to talk defeat. God will make this trial a blessing. Just be paitent you will see."

Pretty much sums it up. We have hard times ahead, but God will provide for us everything we need until hubby finds another job. And I have no doubts that he will find something bigger and better.

My baby is growing up!

So last week we went shopping at Old Navy. We pulled in the parking lot and Bama starts yelling "RIGHT THERE!! RIGHT THERE!!" I was shocked to see that he was pointing at ToysRUs. The last time we were there was like at the end of June. How on earth did he remember that place? Well, he did. We had to drag him in Old Navy. We didn't have time to go in TRU or I would of just obliged him. Last night we were just driving down Florence Blvd when the kid started yelling "RIGHT THERE!! RIGHT THERE!!" again. Yep, we were passing by TRU. Being the nice mom I am, I decided we would take him in there and let him run around a bit. He played w/ something on every isle. Mostly seeming attracted to keyboards. He played on the Thomas the Train table for awhile. Then daddy hollared at him to come sit in Lightning McQueen as that seems to be his favorite movie these days. It's really the only movie he's ever watched. He asked to watch it out of the blue the other morning right after waking up. Anywho, he sat in Lightning McQueen for awhile, then a jeep, then an escalade, then the jeep again. He rode a big boy bicycle. Then it was time to drag him out of there. Surprisingly he didn't put up much of a fight. Just a whine or two coupled w/ a puppy dog face. All in all it was a nice trip. I was actually looking for him a bus. He seems to be a bit obsessed w/ those lately as well. The other day on our way to Florence he yelled "BUS!!!!" w/ every one we passed. Which was quite a few. I couldn't find one though :( And this week he has finally started pedaling his tricycle mostly instead of pushing it w/ his feet. Makes me one proud mommy. My baby is riding a bike!!!!! Oh oh....and showering by himself! Yes, you heard me correctly. The boy is now taking showers instead of baths. He was terrified of the shower for the longest time and then one day a couple months ago he decided he loved it. He opens his mouth wide and sticks it under the stream of water to get a drink, lol. I love this stage. He's so dang funny!! Today in church towards the end of the service he said "Yah!!! Can we go?" He's talking more and more. And he's a little poser too. Everytime I get the camera out he says "CHEESE!" Which is really cute, except he squints his eyes and has a fake smile in all his pics now, lol. Can't hardly catch his beautiful smile anymore...it's his fake one I get. Now if I could just get some of the pictures developed we'll be doing good. I'm embarrassed to say that I have still not even developed the pictures from his 1st birthday party...and he's already had his 2nd birthday party! I'm horrible!! The downside to technology I guess. Why get them developed when they are on my computer. If my computer dies...which wouldn't surprise me...I'm screwed! The problem now is that I am soooo behind and I take sooo many pictures it would cost me probably over $200 to get them all developed now. Alright, I think that's all I have for tonight. HOLLA!

Blessed

Well, I guess this is my frist entry...and it's a heavy one. I would have liked to started out w/ something a bit different, but oh well. I never have the time to write, but tonight i just need to get this on paper. So I decided tonight would be my lazy night. Not that most other nights aren't my lazy nights as well, but I don't usually plan those. Tonight was a planned lazy night. I worked super late and came home just in time to feed my baby dinner, get him a bath, tickle him for a few minutes, then put him to bed. For supper tonight we had what I call an egg sandwich. That would be toasted bread w/ mayo, eggs, cheese, and bacon. And suprisingly hubby LOVED it...and asked me to make him another which meant washing the dishes I had already discarded in the sink. Oh well...it's not often he asks for seconds. I don't know if my cooking just sucks or what, but anyway I was proud of myself and my egg sandwich. I then plopped myself down on the couch and ended up watching Paris Hiltons My New BFF of all things. I swore I would soooo not be suckered into watching that garbage. Hubby went off to bed at 10pm as usual and I of course was not ready for bed. So I decided I would catch up on some Days of Our Lives that I haven't watched in FOREVER. Just my luck...it wasn't on tonight for some reason. Extreme Makeover Home Edition caught my eye so that's what I've been watching for the past hour that got me all emotional. This family had lost their house in a fire and were living in a camper. 5 of them...living in a camper. Their dog had ran away after the fire and apparently they pretty much lost their farm which was their income. The looks on these kids faces when they saw their new house was just...what's the word...heartwrenching. When I watch stuff like that it makes me realize just how blessed I am. I mean I know I'm blessed and I think God for that everyday...but I mean I'm REALLY blessed! I have the most amazing husband in the world who loves me unconditionally...even when he comes home from a hard day at work and the house is a disaster and my hair is all greasy cause I haven't showered yet and there's no food on the table. He loves me...and tells me he'll give me $5 to go take a shower. I love his sense of humor. And my baby boy...there are simply no words...NONE...that could describe the mark this child has left on my heart. Why on earth God chose me to be this precious little boys mother is just beyond me...but I am so thankful. He smiles from the second he wakes up until bedtime. Seriously...like when I go his room to wake him up in the mornings so we can leave he goes from dead sleep to smiles instantly. Not at all grouchy like his mama when she wakes up. We'll come back to him in a minute but let me keep going. Our families. Not just mine...OUR families. We both have the absolute best families in the world. Even extended family like aunts and uncles and cousins...we simply could not have asked for anything more. We are just surrounded by love. And don't even get me started on friends. Me and girls go way, way back. And let's not leave out the one who made all this possible...GOD. God is good! So tonight I am just completely overwhelmed w/ how blessed my life is. I don't know what I ever did to deserve it, but I'm so thankful for it. FYI...You'll notice i never say "lucky"...I'm not lucky, I'm blessed. So anyway, this is something I've been putting off and I couldn't think of better time to just sit down and write so that's what I'm doing. I started this thing because I want to remember every single moment I have w/ Bama. My memory just flat out sucks so i thought I would just start blogging and then I'll have it here to go back and read whenever I want. My plan was to kinda update it daily, but it's taken me a few weeks since i created the thing to even make this first entry...but I'm gonna try to do better.So let's talk a bit about my baby boy. He is 2 years, 3 months right now. This kid...he sooooo got his daddy's sense of humor...THANK GOD. I try to be funny sometimes, but I think I suck royally at it. So his sense of humor was one thing I prayed he would inherit from hubby. That and his dark complexion...is that how you spell that? I've always had a hard time w/ that one. Anyway, and his nose. I prayed sooooooooooooooo hard he would get hubbys nose cause let's face it...mine ain't pretty. Well...God answered 2 of my prayers. He got the sense of humor and complexion. And I'll have you know that when he was born I heard over and over again "OMG...he looks JUST LIKE his daddy...except he's got your nose!" The one thing I didn't want him to inherit from me, he got. He looked like me in NO OTHER WAY than his freaking nose. Personally though, I don't see my nose when I look at him. I think his nose is absolutely perfect in every way. Ok, i'm going way OT here...let me get back to the point. He is so dang funny. He just cracks me up all day long. It could be because he laughs all day...laughter is contagious. He started this new thing now where when we go to brush his teeth he tries to spit in the sink like we do. It's hilarious cause he don't really know how to spit, but he tries. And he is sooooo well mannered. He says "thanks" all day long. And it's so stinking cute. Everything he says is cute cause he has the cutest little voice. His favorite words right now are thanks, yes, what's that, mommy, daddy...and poot, lol. Everytime he hears one he gets this huge grin on his face and says "what' that? Poot?" and then cracks up. OK, maybe that's not so well mannered, but we taught him that so what I can say. What else is he doing these days. He's thisclose to learning how to ride his tricycle. He actually "knows" how to do it, but prefers just pushing it w/ his feet cause he can go faster. It's amazing how excited I can get by seeing him pedal that thing for a few seconds though. He's just getting sooooo big. Just last month we moved him to a big boy bed. Well, it's actually just a mattress on the floor, but it's a big step. I'm too afraid to put him in a real bed for now cause I'm afraid he'll fall out. I figured i would have issues w/ him not staying in it though and never going to sleep or getting up in the middle of night playing or something, but nope. He stays put. He won't even attempt to get up...just like he didn't attempt to get out of his crib. He just sits up and hollars for me. So yeah, my little 4lb baby is now sleeping in a big boy bed, riding a tricycle, and laughing at poots. Time flies. At his 2 year appointment he weighed 26 Lbs. and was 35.5" tall.So YAH for my first entry. I feel so much better just getting all that out there. I'm sure it's not interesting to anyone but me, but I don't care. This was for my own personal benefit so if you don't like reading it, then don't. LOL...it's midnight and I just heard bama's little lamb he sleeps w/ everynight start talking. He must of rolled over on it. Alright, that's all for now. I'm heading to bed. More ramblings from me on the way...one day.